A great portion of my life has been spent dedicated to the care of other peoples children. I have grown to truly understand children in a facet of ways. I know how to make a vicious sibling rivalry turn into a game of giving compliments. I know how to get a kid to eat his peas, put on his shoes, and wipe his own butt, with a mere few words. I have even been able to get a full length massage accompanied with a dance performance from a riotous bunch. I dare say that even Max and the Wild Things would weld to my power. Although, no matter how much time i spend with kids i still can't get over some of the bizarre things that they do and say.
Today i babysat three bobbling, brown headed, girls. They seemed a bit reluctant at first to let me into their world but fear not, i crept in with coloring books and barbies (works every time). Soon enough i was speaking chinese with one girl and laughing with another. After the 30 minute intro i was presented with a somewhat bizarre token. One girl proudly showed me their pet frog. However it was not, oh what should we say, uh uh functioning..? In fact it had not been functioning for quite sometime. The poor little pet, Spotty, had been frozen in the freezer (placed in that small little hole where your ice is supposed to come out of...kind of gross) for the last 5 months. I curiously asked if their mother had been saving it for dinner, this threw them into a fit of hysterical laugh. But i put my foot down and said that this poor little frog needed a proper burial. It just wasn't right to have him frozen month after month while his assassin got to splash around happily in a tank looming nearby. So we set out and found a nice plot of earth to relieve the poor creature in. After the frog was properly placed 6ft under i made sure he got a few last words from each of the three girls. Child 1: " I liked Spotty because she got fat, and had babies, and ate a lot of food, and then ate her babies, and loved her husband." Child 2: " I liked Spotty because, I love her, and babieees, and love, wishin bye bye uh ha nanana (and then some more garbled gibberish which was not entirely comprehensible)". Child 3: "I like Spotty because my frog got to kill her".
Not quite the funeral i think Spotty was hoping for but on the bright side freezing a body does preserve quite well.