Wednesday, April 27, 2011

You know you are a dweeb when...

  • you spend an hour in solid delight watching some people (who might actually be more nerdy than yourself) dual with handmade foam swords... and later become jealous when you find out they all have code names like Red Beard and the Great Duke of Kensington 
  • find yourself being disappointed when re-runs of Full House no longer come on television
  • you get nervous to prank call the college radio station ( which only has two listeners)
  • enjoy making lists
  • double the length of your paper for class because..well, you just can't let yourself cut history short
  • you wear earphones that don't work just so you have an excuse to ignore passerby's
  • you talk to yourself in poetry and think that one day you'll be the next Jay-Z
  • you read textbooks and peer reviewed articles because you want to 
  • you find yourself rocking out to Mozart, Bach, and Justin Timberlake 
  • when you start saying the word dweeb 
  • have a list of words you'd like to incorporate into your daily jargon( jargon: obscure and often pretentious language marked by circumlocutions and long words ) in the back of your notebook 
  • find yourself being used as a replacement for Websters Dictionary by people you are trying to make "casual" conversation with
  • start worrying for the GRE before you've even signed up
  • when you are guaranteed to be found in one of two places, your basement room or the library
  • one of your greatest worries is that you'll lose your USB
  • you spend 60% of your time on the computer, 30% of your time  being amused at your dog (who really isn't doing anything other than chewing his bone), and the other 10% thinking about how great life would be if a boyfriend robot would be invented. That way you could stop saying "Nooo.. i don't have a boyfriend yet, dad" and a one of a kind back massage would be only a button press away.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Racially Ambiguous

Today i received a text from a friend in one of my classes. She started off by asking if it was okay if she asked me a kind of weird question. Of course i was intrigued and insisted that she ask me. Her question was: What is your ethnicity? I chuckled lightly to myself not because i thought it was a weird question but quite the opposite. I have been asked this very same question on a fairly regular basis. Before i tell people "what i am",  i always like to have them give me a guess. Over the years i have racked up quite the amount of racial guesstimates. To be honest my ambiguity has been a peculiar trait for me over the years especially within the context of my travels. No matter where i go i can almost always blend into the crowd whether it be South America or somewhere in Asia.
Below are listed a few of my racial guesstimates
  • Mexican
  • Russian 
  • Thai
  • Native American 
  • Chinese 
  • African American 
  • Spanish
Somehow i have managed to encompass the globe in my face. Perhaps i should be the spokesperson to instigate world peace...

Monday, April 18, 2011

You know you're poor when...

You know you are a poor college student when you ________
  • are willing to camp outside of Chic-Fil-A in 30 degree weather just to get a couple of free sandwiches
  • refuse to go to a frat party because they are charging a ridiculous entrance fee of $1
  • let yourself be poked and prodded for 3 hours and finally get to have a straw size needle shoved into your vein for a solid 45 minutes just to make 20 bucks
  • start to see how many things you can squish on one paper so you can save money at the printing station
  • become a registered "delinquent" on the libraries registry because you don't ever pay for your over due books
  • you start wondering if you should flirt with more boys so you can get a free meal
  • Ramen noodles becomes your greatest technique for satiation
  • only shop at Walmart
  • let previously disgusting things slide by... a little mold on the bread eh, milk that expired three days ago, no biggie
  • start price checking fast food restaurants
  • drive slower than the elderly because you can't risk getting a ticket, and shot coasting saves gas
  • start contemplating if stealing an enormous roll of one ply toilet paper from the schools bathroom is too risky 
  • become grateful for as many babysitting opportunities as possible
  • start making a list of things you want to buy for the day when you have money

Thursday, April 14, 2011

A good beginning

They always say not to judge a book by its cover, but what about the first line? Well i recently stumbled across a list of 100 of the best first lines from novels. I couldn't resist sharing some of the beauty and creativity that people are blessed with. Enjoy the art of words...

  • He was born with a gift of laughter and a sense that the world was mad. - Raphael Sabatini, Scaramouche (1921)
  • A screaming comes across the sky. - Thomas Pynchon, Gravity's Rainbow (1973)
  • It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. - George Orwell, 1984 (1949)
  • The sun shone, having no alternative, on the nothing new. —Samuel Beckett, Murphy (1938)
  • The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel. - William Gibson, Neuromancer (1984)
  • It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair. - Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities (1859)
  • I am an invisible man. - Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man (1952)
  • Every summer Lin Kong returned to Goose Village to divorce his wife, Shuyu. - Ha Jin, Waiting (1999)
  • It was like so, but wasn't. - Richard Powers, Galatea 2.2 (1995)
  • The moment one learns English, complications set in. - Felipe Alfau, Chromos (1990)
  • We started dying before the snow, and like the snow, we continued to fall. - Louise Erdrich, Tracks (1988)
  • It was a pleasure to burn. - Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451 (1953)
  • The human race, to which so many of my readers belong, has been playing at children's games from the beginning, and will probably do it till the end, which is a nuisance for the few people who grow up. - G. K. Chesterton, The Napoleon of Notting Hill (1904)
  • The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there. - L. P. Hartley, The Go-Between (1953)
  • I write this sitting in the kitchen sink. - Dodie Smith, I Capture the Castle (1948)
  • "When your mama was the geek, my dreamlets," Papa would say, "she made the nipping off of noggins such a crystal mystery that the hens themselves yearned toward her, waltzing around her, hypnotized with longing." - Katherine Dunn, Geek Love (1983)
  • The cold passed reluctantly from the earth, and the retiring fogs revealed an army stretched out on the hills, resting. - Stephen Crane, The Red Badge of Courage (1895)
  • Of all the things that drive men to sea, the most common disaster, I've come to learn, is women. - Charles Johnson, Middle Passage (1990)

Monday, April 11, 2011

Pep Talk froma 4 year old

I have two jobs but really no jobs at all. I donate plasma and i babysit from time to time. The later is a bit more enjoyable than the former. Anyway this last weekend i was babysitting my favorite little girl, Indi who is always good for a laugh. We got to have a late night of playing while the parents went out and enjoyed a party with old friends. Indi and I played a couple gambling games with fruit loops and corn pops, a couple guessing games, and rode a big overstuffed tiger named Raja. However, right when we were about to settle down and read The Little Red Hen I got a call from a boy. Indi, who is completely boy crazy at her young age of 4 years started to go crazy when she heard the boys voice! However, through her excitement she could barely squeak out a "hello"!!! Which was then followed by a mad dash to the corner of the room accompanied by a scream of utter delight. This really got her riled up and before i could return to the story of the small hard working hen i started to receive the pep talk. She stood triumphantly on the bed, fists clenched in the air " You have got to focus here! Really i mean come on focus!! YOU YOU you are having a big deal with this one! Where you live, I don't know, but you have got to learn! I CAN'T do this hair, i don't even care a vascally(not a word), i don't ask!!!! Tattle here, okay, you've got to focus! We have got to do things we have never done before! You've got to do just like those guy's! You know like the old man walking down the street, gets hit by a car? Focus! Listen to what i say! If you want to have more focus on whta you want to do you're going to have to do it in a more CLASSTTY( not a word) way and run's!!!!!"

What better words of wisdom could i ask for?